Version 1 reads more TCW-like, and I stand by vranir’s suggestions. I don’t know if Satine should be name-dropped in the crawl though, feels a bit abrupt (or at least have her full name and title for better context). Maybe just hinting that she’s a particularly close old friend would do.
I’ll see if I can take some time to rewatch Malevolence and see how much it has improved since the last time.
Greetings!