One of the issues with Snoke’s exposition in the scene is that doesn’t completely clarify if the Force bond between Kylo and Rey was indeed created by Snoke or if he’s lying. The fact that the bond persists after his death of course suggests the later, but your edit could make it more clear, and even tie the mind bridge to the Force dyad retcon in TROS.
I’ve ultimately decided to have Snoke admit to being aware of their “strange connection”, but he never even alludes to creating it. Then he goes on to explain that he took advantage of it by “stok[ing] Ren’s conflicted soul” (the berating scene from earlier) knowing that he would turn to Rey and have her come to him.
Yes, it leaves the question of how this thing formed in the first place, but earlier in the novel I explain that something formed, or simply made itself known, during the interrogation scene in TFA. I think the mystery of what exactly their connection is is best reserved for TROS. I’m thinking about going into more details of the dyad in my v2.0 of TROS.
I was considering having him know they were communicating, but not knowing exactly how, but in the end that was too contrived. Besides, since I’ve made Snoke and Palpatine separate entities in this series, it’s no longer an issue for Palpatine to be unaware of their connection.