Goddamn, Delpheas, that’s some wonderful feedback and ideas.

I LOVE your idea for the hybrid Tartakovsky/TCW:R intro.

And I really, really appreciate that level of detail on the feedback. This is real actionable stuff, and makes me excited about another polish pass. Please keep it coming.

I’ll respond in full soon, I just wanted to get that out here.

Artan, you’ve hit the nail on the head there with the audio transitions - that’s (generally) as they were. That said, if any in particular are jarring I’ll definitely see what I can do.

Wanted to add that I very much agree with Delpheas about how the chemistry between Anakin and Obi in the 2004 clone wars feels very weird and off. I like his ideas very much.

I will also add that I personally still am not at all a fan of the added bail organa scenes to episode 1, they just feel so out of place and added on to me that it makes the episode feel very faneditey.

EDIT: have to say. I really like Delpheas edits to the 03 clone wars, the only one that seems a bit off is actually the first scene with palpatine imo, its cut off very quickly

Del’s a woman, but yes! OK then, I’ll take a look at refining Dark Force Rising a little further. I’m still split on the inclusion of Bail, but I think what I might do as part of the next polish pass is release some alternate versions so everyone has an A and B to compare to.

Oh my B, but yeah that sounds good if you do eventually make a couple alternatives. Another alternative I know I’d personally like would be the addition of the box episode. But if not no biggie

So I’ve finally gotten the time to pick up watching where I left off, so sorry if I’m a bit behind on things already brought up about certain episodes! Anyways, here are my thoughts for The Blockade of Ryloth:

• In the intro crawl, is King supposed to be capitalized? What about Twi-lek or Jedi Master? If you’ve already addressed this, sorry to bring it up again!
• I felt like this was a great episode to highlight Ashoka’s growth so far, while still showing places where she still has lots to learn.
• at 10:28-10:32, the transition between Anakin saying “Jump to lightspeed” and the battle on the surface felt a little off to me. The audio transition wasn’t the best, but I think the visual transition was what pulled me out of it more. I felt like the transition should have been a wipe, but I could be wrong, I haven’t seen the original episodes in a while! That being said, if this segment was how the original episode was, then don’t worry about it.
• at 31:16-32:12, the audio is out of sync with the video, such that Obi-Wan’ mouth moves for several seconds without the audio of him speaking. I checked both my downloaded file and streaming the file from Google Drive, and they both had the problem.

Overall, I enjoyed the episode! It was a nice one to showcase Ashoka and Anakin’s growth since we saw them last, while also providing a close concise look at some of the stakes of the Clone Wars. Aside from the things I noted above, your cuts were pretty seamless, great job!

Lol, glad you appreciate my notes and my suggestions. As I said, I really love Clone Wars, and this project of making it shine is really just phenomenal.

I was looking briefly at the aired S7, and it’s relationship to your S5, and while I don’t know what plans you have for messing with the “Ahsoka’s Walkabout” arc, I was thinking a few things.

Based on some visuals, story beats, and official website info, the Walkabout takes place before Bad Batch, for a few reasons:

1. The opening doesn’t show anything happening to Ahsoka between the S5 finale and this ep. It can be assumed she went, bought a jumper and a speeder and headed to 1313. (The only visual in this episode that requires there be a lot of time between this and herbladt episode, is her and Anakin’s character designs. She looks older.)
2. Anakin is on Coruscant in “Gone With a Trace”, which according to the SW website places it before Bad Batch, because once Anakin is out on that mission he doesn’t return until RotS

There’s a few ways TCW:R will help with this:

By not having the opening narration, you lose the visual implication of the original that she left the temple and then “Gone with a Trace” started. You can make this what it needs to be.

Second, by having control over what goes into an episode and how long they are, you can add passing time.
Particularly, I think “Gone with a Trace” should remain it’s own episode. And it could happen right in the middle of S5, right before Son of Dathomir.

Then you can do a few episodes on something else, and then come back to an aggregated version of the last 3 episodes of the arc. I always felt like there needed to be time between episodes 1 and the rest, and we can fix that now. Otherwise all of Ahsoka’s stuff is just crammed in at the end and it sucks.

This would help Ahsoka feel more present in the season, imo. Which, even if she’s not with the Jedi, is necessary for the viewer. Let Anakin miss her, let me see what she’s realizing while she’s away from the Jedi and don’t cram it in, literally right before the end.

(Reposting from quite a few pages back)

I’d also prefer to not have to use opening text, since it’s not exactly a modern convention, and it’s always better to “show, don’t tell”. But I think I have to, for a few reasons:

Firstly, even in the original versions of some episodes, the newsreel at the beginning carried important exposition that the episodes didn’t cover. Dropping the newsreel - which I think is the right move to mature the tone and give me more editing control - means losing that expositon, which means needing to find an alternate home for it. A good example of this is the holocron arc, where the plotline of Cad Bane finding master Ropal actually happened in the newsreel between two episodes of the arc.

Secondly, sometimes in order to better pace or restructure an episode, I want the ability to cut exposition sequences from the episodes themselves. A one minute text description up front is better than many boring minutes I may have to keep in order to preserve a bit of explanation. A good example of this is my Christophsis, where I can get the main characters onto the planet and establish their mission and relationships without any faff, meaning we only have entertaining content to enjoy.

Thirdly, sometimes I want to recontextualise something that’s going to appear in the episode. In my Domino Squad episode I felt like my big change to make their initial failiure send them to the outpost could have done with more clarity, so I used the intro text to emphasise that they risk lesser duties if they fail. Or in my Holocron episode, to intercut Holocron (Bane + shapeshifter) with Hostage Crisis (Bane + posse), I used the text to emphasise that Bane’s a guy with a network of specialist associates.

Fourthly, I can use it to make causal links. My original Christophsis left the matter of a mole in the Republic open, and reminding the viewer of the Republic mole in Cloak of Darkness encourages the viewer to infer that it’s Argyus, since he matches that role. Mental niggle now removed - and implicitly now the viewer will be more comfortable with any elements not answered in a given episode, trusting it will be addressed later. (Note: I dropped this specific example more recently, but it was useful at the time and I may use this technique again.)

Fifthly, I can also, for example, highlight characters or events a bit more directly, so that the viewer is a little more likely to pay attention to the elements of the episodes that I think are the strongest. Emphasising the Satine angle in our first Mandalore episodes means we treat her as less of a single episode character, and pay particular attention to her. I’ll be doing the same with the political situation in the next Mandalore episode, since it’s important to the later Mauldalore arc.

Sixthly, I can use it like a “previously on The Clone Wars”, like with the Maul arc.

And finally, when I’m not using it for those purposes, I try to use it as an opportunity to keep the viewer on top of the ‘state of the galaxy’, and give a bit more of a sense of the ebb and flow of the war, and keep the whole feeling cohesive. In my first season I tried to emphasise that all of the Separatists attacks were against strategic targets - making them more of a competent threat - but that the Republic during that season successfully established a foothold. In the second season, it’s the rise of scum and villainy, etc.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that while these may be boring for the preexistent Clone Wars viewer, who knows all the necessary context, for the new Clone Wars viewer this infodump may be important to their understanding and enjoyment, therefore a more engaging way to start the episode than it would be for an existing one.

In conclusion, I think it’s more valuable to have it than not. That said though, that’s not me trying to shut down discussion on this, because I think it’s a worthy topic. If I’m missing the bar on any of that, it’s definitely worth discussing. If there are elements of the intro crawls which you guys think I should change, or apply better to achieve the above goals, or additional things I should use those crawls for, I’m all ears.

(I should emphasise here, when I share things like this, it really isn’t to shut down discussion - it’s just to “show my working” and share my thought process on the raised subject. I don’t ever want the fact that I’ve thought about something a bunch to make people feel like I consider the matter final. I can expand on any of this stuff, and there’s nothing in this process or these episodes that I wouldn’t welcome other people’s input on.)

In terms of the format, obviously text gives me the most flexibility - I don’t really have the ability to use any other format, and modifying the newsreel would be too limiting. Luckily, Star Wars as a franchise uniquely has a tolerance for text crawls, so if you can get away with it anywhere, you can get away with it here. Much like wipe transitions, it’s very much a dead medium, but this particular franchise grants a lucky amount of leeway.

My goal, I suppose, is to make this show as good as it can be - even if that ultimately means it still doesn’t pass the modern bar for quality. Because people will always love Star Wars and want the fuller picture - especially now that so much is calling back to TCW - and TCW doesn’t deserve to be the black sheep that people feel they have to avoid or resentfully trudge through. I can’t remove all the imperfections, and sometimes I’ll have to replace one imperfection with another, but ultimately every judgment has to be made against the goal of making the entirety of the experience I produce as palatable as possible - which might incorporate an up-front minute of boredom per episode. I’ll always continue to encourage discussion though, not least because you guys will have new ideas which help me bring up that quality level and minimise those imperfections.

(And if it’s a maths game, you may be pleased to know I’ve already shaved off fourteen hours of almost universally absolute dreck in those thirty episodes released to date alone, and the final 50 episodes should be saving you about 17 hours total.)

I personally love the opening text and music. It’s really haunting, sets the tone of this being a war show, and is reminiscent of the opening music in RotS. And as you said, it’s a necessary replacement for the narrator and give you a LOT of control over recontexualisation.

Good progress on the Onderon arc today, it’s nearly done.

I’ve finished the cuts for the first episode, getting the meat down shorter than expected to about 30 minutes. Since the first of my episodes contains the first two episodes of the original arc, we didn’t need the scene where they get attacked to prove their growing skill, as they successfully carry out the strike on the power generator now in my first episode’s second half. I’ve preserved almost all of Ahsoka’s jealousy, except for one scene I had to trim just to get the rebels from finishing their training transitioning into their move on the capital city. I also cut Saw being jealous of Steela - instead, when she’s voted as their leader, he celebrates.

The second of my episodes will probably remain quite long, since I can’t really find any content that needs cutting. I’m not a huge fan of this because I think the quality of the content doesn’t quite warrant a 50-minute runtime, but I don’t think I have an option here.

The main change I’ve made between the original presentation of this arc and my own is that I’ve moved all scenes of the kings into the second episode only. So the first episode purely focuses on the training and first success of the rebels, and will thus be called REBELS OF ONDERON. I’ve then moved the kings into the second episode, with a bit of dialogue modification, so that one then focuses entirely on the kings and their generals (and the rebellion), and will thus be called KINGS OF ONDERON.

I’m not sure exactly when I’ll have this finished, but it should be earlyish next week.

Right! Of my Onderon arc, the first part (Rebels of Onderon) is rendering now, and I just need to put the presentation polish on the second half (Kings of Onderon) so that shouldn’t be far behind.

I’m glad, because in the end I did manage to find some trims to my second episode:

Firstly, I sped up the transition between the rescue in the royal square and the arrival back in the wilderness, so that now having saved the King the rebels immediately flee the city, rather than conducting a few more operations within it first over a number of days. The action now happens over a single day, with King Rash immediately pursuing them into the wilderness with his full force, so it feels a lot more tense.

Secondly, as much as I love Hondo, I removed him altogether. Previously the attack on the rebel base was conducted in phases, with enough downtime during them for Ahsoka to call Anakin, Anakin to fly to Felucia, Hondo to fly to Onderon, and Ahsoka to distribute the rockets. This added implied hours to the battle. Now, the rebels already have the anti-air rockets, and once their own assumed air superiority gets challenged by the new droid airships, they quickly move to fetch and distribute the guns. It’s no less tense, and this worked out suprisingly smoothly. There’s still a good amount of battle though since it’s a visually interesting one in an otherwise quite political episode.

As always in line with my editing goals, I strove to retain all of the emotional beats and character work, whilst keeping the jeopardy high and the pacing quite tight.

That sounds great. Hondo is a delightful character, but less than necessary in this particular arc. Looking forward to giving these eps a shot!

SEASON THREE COMPLETE!

-thanks to the releases today of-

RELEASED - s03e08 - Rebels of Onderon

32m50s. Comprising the first two episodes of the Onderon arc, notes as above.

RELEASED - s03e09 - Kings of Onderon

36m28s. Comprising the final two episodes of the Onderon arc, notes as above.

Download link in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.

And don’t forget to check out the new s03e00 bonus episode (v2.0) which transitions us from season two into season three via some Tartakovsky microseries episodes and some Forces of Destiny shorts if you’re interested. Huge thanks to Delpheas for the idea and support here.

As always, thank you all for the ideas, support, feedback and refinements along the way.

I’m interested in feedback on how this season flows as a whole - especially in terms of the balance between Ahsoka, Maul, and the other mains. This season contains all the Lux Bonteri episodes so I’m curious about how it feels with that focus.

Next up will be another short break before I do a large polish pass of the first two seasons, before diving into our season four premiere where Maul finally takes Mandalore.

I like that. I’m personally up for trying out those changes ED, while you’re on break, and I can send you it to share and we can see how the two versions go over with people?

Sure!

Oh man. This is perfect feedback Imhotep, I love this. I’m really looking forward to the forthcoming polish pass.

I won’t go into all the detail since it’s pretty universally “yes, yes, yes”. Big fan of all the crawl tweaks and your suggestions for further cuts.

I agree on Nightsisters, it does remain a little long and it is quite plot dense. I had considered splitting it into two but I think your smaller tweaks are a better idea.

Thanks so much for this level of detail!

So, as promised for a while now, the next major activity I’ll undertake is a full polish pass to incorporate as much of the new feedback as possible. The downside, naturally, is a delay in returning to producing new episodes, but the upside is of course the refinement to the existing content, especially the earlier content which needs it the most.

Therefore, now’s the best time to give any feedback you have which you haven’t yet shared, and a good time to watch any episodes you haven’t since there’ll be a fair break until the next ones come out!

Off the top of my head, the plan therefore is as follows:

• Update the community credits to include all recent contributors
• Create a new alternative franchise title animation, combining the existing Mandalorian one with the Bad Batch one
• Aggregate all un-actioned feedback by episode into one master document
• Reconsider the ordering of episodes, especially in season one
• Re-think the odd episode title

Then for each episode (including the Tartakovsky ones):

• Rewatch my episode in isolation, noting any further changes I’d personally like to make
• Replace franchise titles and community credits
• Fix end credits to make them a bit more perfect (I don’t think anyone’s noticed but there’s a slight timing disparity in there)
• Review wipe timings (I think I based my timing on an earlier episode’s timings before they’d decided on a different standard later on)
• Make all valuable cuts - sometimes producing A and B versions of episodes for community review (e.g. with Bail in Christophsis)
• Edit opening text (thanks Imhotep and others!) and titles, including alterations due to any new placement

If anyone has any other ideas of things I could do while I’m doing a deep dive into this I’m all ears.

I finally was able to finish season one, so here are some thoughts about the last three episodes of season 1. Let me know if anything I say is unclear or if you have questions!

108 - Duchess of Mandalore

In the opening text, the word “is” is duplicated: “Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalote is is on Coruscant…”

I also can’t help but wonder if there’s a better place in Season 1 to put this episode. I think for me, I would like it an episode or two sooner, maybe before the Battle of Ryloth.

109 - A Strike at the Heart Part 1

Specific advice:

Consider capitalizing Duros. To make the crawl still clear, I would restructure that line as follows:

“One is the Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane, famed for building specialist teams to guarantee success for his employers.”

I would add a comma after “But of late” so it reads: “But of late, the bold Ahsoka has been struggling with obedience…”

Starting at 32:57, Obi-Wan’ mouth starts moving even though there aren’t any lines for him. I think if you can cut out those few frames, it would be an easy fix.

General Thoughts:

I loved the interweaving of the Senate hostage storyline and the Holocron heist. By mixing the two storylines, it highlights Cad Bane’s skills and strategic prowess, while also amping up the action and evening out the pacing. Additionally, it made perfect sense that Cad Bane would target the Senate with a large team as a smokescreen for the real heist at the Jedi Temple.

110 - A Strike at the Heart Part 2

Specific advice:

In the crawl, I would tweak it a little so it says: “The Republic is reeling from the Senate hostage crisis, only to find that it was a distraction to cover a heist at the Jedi Temple.”

I would capitalize Senate, Temple, Force (in Force-sensitive and in general), and Jedi Order.

General thoughts:

I really enjoyed these two episodes, all of the cuts were seamless and flowed well to each other. I don’t really have any advice other than the things I mentioned above. Great job with everything so far! I’m definitely looking forward to getting into the next season this upcoming week!

As you say Kalee I’m taking a little break! Though not a deliberate one to be honest, it’s just drawn out a bit longer than expected. Rest assured the gears will start turning again around the 19th!

Right, I’m back on it, darlings!

There won’t be anything truly NEW for a while, such as a new episode, because I’m going to do the long-promised full polish pass first. I’ll be sure to update the thread title when s04e01 comes out, so people who don’t want to follow all the minutiae can check out for a while.

I’ve got a big list of fixes though, and it’s the right time to start getting the existing episodes up to the best possible standard in response to the Bad Batch and all of your feedback to date. Every existing episode will get rereleased as part of this process (if only because I’m going to update the titles and credits, though usually there’ll be more too).