I think a simple fix would be to change the word ‘attacking’ to ‘silencing’ in the crawl:
“Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by attacking silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.”
Not only does it suggests that the First Order has made it difficult for people to communicate, which is why Poe might think that the galaxy has given up, but also it adds weight to the theme of “They win by making you think you’re alone”.
I thought the Poe/Zorri dialogue worked well enough in its original form. This way there would be no need to change it.