Hal 9000 said:
Which of these renderings would be most appropriate to be added to the existing Portuguese subtitles? I’ll paste a spattering from them below to give an idea. Pardon my ignorance, but would this be similar to an American reading subtitles in British English? That is, comprehensible although maybe a little funny here and there?

i think axlanian’s version is also right, kind in the spot of funny but comprehensible, but there were some tricky phrases that look more like error than intentionally written that way (no offense axlanian, you did great).

Also, the examples were all right, alternating a bit between colloquial and formal, but no big deal.