Nah, I don’t think that’d track.
If I had to, for hypothetical reasons, lock a cut this very day because there’s gonna be a theatrical exhibition or something, I’d probably go for leaving the rest of the dialogue alone save for the “I’m a Jedi” line. The music and sync would be untouched and we’d avoid anything seeming off. From the perspective of fan editing existing material to be suitable for a theater showing, it’d be the safer option. I think retaining “And I…” would alleviate the feeling that something’s off. Maybe it’s from watching the scene a million times due to jonh’s work, but keeping that as well as Rey’s grunt as she contends with the lightning helps it feel complete.
As others have said, this is a moment more important than just about any others that cannot feel off. And I’d rather stick to form by leaving something on the table if it leaves me with any doubt. I’m confident that at least “I am a Jedi” can work, and that right there is something to appreciate.