Alright, this may be stupid, but something is still nagging me about “We’ll kill him together.” It’s a tiny nag, admittedly - I think it’s because “We WILL kill him” comes across less like Kylo is imploring her to help him end the Sith, and more like, “Oh boy, here we go killing again!” It’s like Kylo cares more about killing this guy than he does about stopping the Sith. Maybe it’s just the way Adam Driver delivers the line? (Emphasis on “Kill” instead of “We’ll”?) I know, I know, it’s a subtle connotative difference; but it’s gnawing at me.
Plus, “We WILL do this” doesn’t really leave open any other choices for Rey, which - to me - deflates the tension of the moment considerably. “Of course Kylo’s wrong. She’s not going to start murdering people with him!” Rather than, “Oh gosh, Kylo has a point. What’s Rey going to do?”
So I made a quick mockup. Is it worth trying to iron out the new line? https://streamable.com/4tms6i
(Between this, “Become a Dyad,” and the eventual Rey Nobody replacement, we’re just going to change all of Kylo’s dialogue in this scene, aren’t we? Lol.)
EDIT: I also did a bit more work on this thingy: https://streamable.com/ffimpr
Blended out Palp’s Theme (I hope) a little bit better, cleaned up the word “a”, added a clip of Rey panting to cover up the omission of “and,” and also trimmed down the dramatic pause before she finishes her line (to help fudge the lip sync). Any better?
I personally have no real issue with Kylo’s original line, but the editing on your new version is extremely good. If I’d never seen that scene before I’d never guess it had been altered.