I’ve just rewatched the original Heroes/Peace duology immediately followed by your edit.
It flows surprisingly well! I’m glad to see some of the padding go away (particularly the infiltrators arriving on Coruscant and the visit to a senator in Pursuit) while retaining the better (and they’re great) parts, all of it making for an exciting episode (at least for a politics-heavy one) and a refreshing change of pace for your season premieres.
Maybe the opening text could state how the deregulation of the Banking Clan would favor the commission of more clones. This point was somewhat explained in the original newsreel but got somewhat lost in the restructure. On the other hand the actual bank deregulation is not such a big plot point as in the original so it may not be necessary.
I missed Ahsoka’s “I’m not so bad, am I?” exchange with Lux. The cut is seamless, I’ll grant you that, but I honestly liked that moment and it Lux’s “I’m not so bad” moment later has more weight.
(Side-note) Apparently this episode took a toll on the production budget because the recycling of models for the Parliament extras is very obvious. Nothing to do with your edit of course but I had never paid attention to that detail.
At 17:29 there’s a stray frame of the fish guy.
At 17:39, the bar music fades off a bit too late in my opinion. It’s a bit jarring hearing it play over the energy central for like three seconds.
Maybe the Separatist covert terrorist attack could do with a bit more context. Of course you don’t have to include the entire sequence of the infiltrator droids receiving orders and arriving at Coruscant. You could include either the short scene when Dooku addresses Grievous (though shifted to after Dooku talk with the corrupt senators, and without the ‘My master’s plan…’ bit) or the moment where the disguised droids are activated by Grievous’ command and head for the generator. Then you can cut directly to the infiltration and massacre.
The voiceover lines during Padmé’s undercity walk didn’t feel out of place. It’s a little used resource in Star Wars but it helped a lot to convey Padmé’s mindset and add to Mina’s relevance.
I liked the repurposed epilogue, including the ominous part with the Kaminoan senator, and the more feel-good ending when they toast to Mina. However, I still missed the talk between Palpatine and Mas Amedda. For one it was good seeing Palps actually being pissed at Padmé and not having his own way for once. And I don’t have a problem with Palps acting villainous or suspicious, since the series kind of assumes its audience is already familiar with the Lucas saga.