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The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v2 NOW AVAILABLE) — Page 4

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Funny you mention a stormtrooper revolution, because it’s definitely something I was considering (since, let’s face it, this project is more of a glorified fan fiction than an edit).

I didn’t like how when the comm tower furled up they instantly called off the ground attack. I think it would be interesting if instead Finn and Co. still do the ground attack because he has the idea of beaming a revolutionary message to the new command ship - where General Pryde is located.

Essentially, the Sith troopers are a no go because they have been brainwashed since birth by the Sith Eternal, but I had the idea that Pryde could have brought First Order troopers along with him to his Final Order ship. This is how Finn recognizes the ship through the Force. So these inspired stormtroopers would take over the ship, and in a spectacular sacrifice, they would bring the whole thing down so the Final Order becomes trapped there.

Definitely not something I have to do, but if it looks easy enough I may try it.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Essentially, the Sith troopers are a no go because they have been brainwashed since birth by the Sith Eternal, but I had the idea that Pryde could have brought First Order troopers along with him to his Final Order ship. This is how Finn recognizes the ship through the Force. So these inspired stormtroopers would take over the ship, and in a spectacular sacrifice, they would bring the whole thing down so the Final Order becomes trapped there.

Honestly that sounds kind of good 😄

How would you restructure the space battle in that case? Would the fight on top of the Star Destroyer happen anyway?

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I was imagining that everyone would deploy on the ground (come to think of it that would solve the weirdness of space horses on a Star Destroyer).

But I suppose I could have just Finn and Rose go to the comm tower and have everyone else get on the Destroyer. I would want Rose’s character moment to be hacking into the tower. Not much, but better than what we got I’m pretty sure.

Honestly it is very similar to DOTF where they beam an inspirational message to the galaxy from the Jedi temple on Coruscant so I’ll have to take a look at that for how it all went down.

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After what I said, how do you plan on dealing with Finn’s Force-sensitivity alone? If you do remove it, I did suggest having Jannah be Force-sensitive to preserve them sensing/locating that thing on Exegol.

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Well, when you look at the trio we discover something new about each one of them in the story. Rey is a Palpatine, Poe was a spice runner, and Finn is Force-sensitive. I’d hate to deny him something new. But at the same time, if I did do the inspirational message thingy for him that might work as a substitute.

Honestly, I feel like they just didn’t know exactly what to do with his character in TROS. I can kinda see what you mean when you say that if he’s Force sensitive it kinda diminishes the idea that anyone could defect from the First Order. Which is why Jannah and Co. was introduced, and why I’ll likely have other First Order troopers help them against the Final Order.

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I can kinda see what you mean when you say that if he’s Force sensitive it kinda diminishes the idea that anyone could defect from the First Order.

Not necessarily, I said that it diminishes the idea of him BEING your average Joe who learns to stop running away and start fighting for the cause, it’s part of what makes Finn so great.

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Well, that was his arc in TLJ. Which, btw, can we just acknowledge for a moment that some people do not understand Finn’s character arc in TLJ? They always say it was a regression, which is completely false. If you actually watch TFA it’s abundantly clear that he is only tagging along with the Resistance to save Rey. It’s only in TLJ where he aligns himself with a cause.

Sorry about the side rant. Anyways, are you saying that it’s important for the average person to help out with a cause? I can agree there. But at the same time I don’t think the reason Finn wanted to run away from the fight was because he didn’t think he could be helpful.

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Chapter 7 Changelog:

  • I’ll be honest, most of the stuff here comes from Captain Faraday because of how “meh” Rae Carson is at writing action scenes. Huge shoutout to Faraday’s work on the Pasaana chase. I did a few modifications, but most of it is from him.
  • Rey recognizes Ochi’s ship as her parent’s ship. This will be explained later on in the story. Basically, Rey’s dad stole Ochi’s ship to escape Exegol. So him chasing her parents down was not only at Palpatine’s command but also to get his favorite ship back (which is also the reason why Ochi would want him to never leave Exegol again as punishment).
  • Finn tells Poe that there is something he never got to tell him instead of Rey 😉
  • Poe demands to hear what Finn was going to tell him, but he won’t until he explains where he learned his “sketchy stuff”. This creates a much better character dynamic between the two of them because they are both keeping secrets from each other and they are bickering about it.
  • Removed another reference to Lando being on Pasaana for the past 20 years.
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HebDtcBfO0nTDW_3_YXBi5myXuAvSBUA/view?usp=sharing
    (IGNORE IT SAYING CHAPTER 6 THAT IS AN ERROR)
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Here is how I’m handling Force healing the snake:

Rey narrowed her eyes as she approached the serpent’s body, and Poe aimed his flashlight, illuminating the creature. Yes, the snake was definitely wounded. A giant gash ran across several segments. She just had to reach it for her plan to work.

In the Jedi texts, there had been an ability called Force healing described in a section exclusively for Jedi Masters. The texts made it very clear that its usage was strictly for healing broken kyber crystals, which were alive. Using it on a conscious being was considered a violation of the will of the Force. Rey didn’t understand why.

Obviously she had failed to use the ability properly on the kyber crystal in Luke’s lightsaber. But this was a perfect scenario for her to get better at it. If she could just improve her abilities, perhaps the crystal would accept the healing. She had to attempt healing this serpent. To prove herself worthy.

Carefully, slowly, she stepped over the serpent’s curved body until she stood within its coils. If it decided to kill her, all it had to do was squeeze…

Rey thought about the farm equipment she’d flown the skimmer over. A grain farmer had probably rolled a tilling blade right across this creature’s lair, flaying it open. Rey reached for the wound. The serpent hissed, and she hesitated. But it didn’t attack. Heart in her throat, she stretched her hand forward, touching the serpent’s cool segments.

Rey closed her eyes. Reached for the Force. Whenever she fought, or leapt through the jungles of Ajan Kloss, or even mind-tricked a stormtrooper into releasing her shackles, she channeled the Force. But this would call for a different technique. This time she would give.

What I like about this is that it makes it clear that only Jedi Masters could be taught this ability (all the more reason for why Anakin wanted to become a Master), and that it was only allowed for healing kyber crystals. The method he wanted to use it would be against the Jedi teachings at that time. But Rey and Ben are going to create a new generation of Jedi that won’t follow strict guidelines like this.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

What I like about this is that it makes it clear that only Jedi Masters could be taught this ability (all the more reason for why Anakin wanted to become a Master), and that it was only allowed for healing kyber crystals. The method he wanted to use it would be against the Jedi teachings at that time. But Rey and Ben are going to create a new generation of Jedi that won’t follow strict guidelines like this.

That’s a pretty plausible explanation, it might end up as my headcanon until proven otherwise.

I wish TROS had done such an reevaluation of the core beliefs and guidelines of the Jedi Order instead of dropping this point after an interesting setup provided by TLJ.

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Yup, my end goal with this project is to emphasis the importance of relationships. I think that’s the one thing the Jedi of the Republic really messed up with. The evidence is that Ben Solo turned to the dark side because he didn’t have a consistent father figure in his life. So he turned to Snoke.

So at the end of the Skywalker saga I think it should have been made clear that the Jedi were in the wrong for not helping Anakin, yet at the same time Anakin was too possessive and went to extreme lengths. There is definitely a compromise there that can be made.

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Chapter 8 Changelog:

  • General streamlining, changing needlessly complicated words (unless it’s in dialog), etc.
  • Removed Poe inquiring about the thing Finn wanted to say because I moved that to the previous chapter.
  • Used Captain Faraday’s description of Ochi’s armor from the comics
  • Used a rendition of Captain Faraday’s description as for why Sith Cultists put secrets on their weapons (kills make it more secretive via blood magic)
  • Better descriptions of Force healing (see the post two above this one)
  • Rey thinks to herself that the Jedi were definitely wrong about forbidding Force healing on beings
  • Ochi’s ship is described as if a bunch of junkers have lived in it (Rey’s parents). Additionally, Finn sees boxes of replacement parts instead of weapons. This creates the indication that Ochi was intending on fixing up his ship when he got it back from them, but hadn’t got around to it yet at the time of Luke chasing him down.
  • Kylo no longer wants to kill Rey (why, just why, Rae Carson?!). Instead, he is conflicted on whether or not he wants to put her in harm’s way to get her to unleash her dark side.
  • When Kylo sees Rey’s crackling lightsaber, it only reassures him that he needs to push her to embrace the dark side through any means necessary
  • Finn remembers that Chewie has the dagger. Additionally, inserted the Knights of Ren line: “I get his teeth”. Both up the stakes a bit.
  • Kept the transition to Kylo Ren only to further clarify that Rey had defeated his TIE with only the light. He decides he needs to duel her to unlock her dark side until he sees a golden opportunity: the freighter.
  • For some reason Rae Carson had Kylo admit defeat at the end of this chapter. I completely disagree with that interpretation. Instead, the chapter ends with him thinking to himself that he has already won, since Rey had started down the dark path. He has accomplished part of what he set out to do.
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LkILqPuce8IBHzxWBCchNNbxbSuH1sgi/view?usp=sharing
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Chapter 9 Changelog:

  • Another description of Ochi’s ship to match the idea that junkers lived in it
  • Just noticed that Rey claims in both the movie and this novel that she saw both Kylo AND her on the Sith throne in her vision. This is wrong, and has been fixed.
  • Removed the reference to the ticking clock
  • Made it clear that D-O belonged to Ochi (necessary for the new background story of his ship)
  • Removed all Chewbacca scenes (I may put one of these after Rey’s discovery, we’ll see)
  • Tightened conversation with Zorii
  • Zorii says Poe left the crew to rejoin the cause instead of join it. This is necessary because he literally grew up in a Rebellion family.
  • Added a brief custom scene with the Knights of Ren on Kijimi at the end. This is necessary because otherwise they come out of nowhere later on.
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HVHAsnDZbBJONFo4_KvxnZ41n8CofC-X/view?usp=sharing
    Here is the custom scene. Don’t think it’s 100% perfect yet:

Ushar led his fellow Knights of Ren down a frigid alleyway on Kijimi. Tracking the Resistance scum down had been easy; Ap’lek had wisely secured a homing beacon to their escape vessel during the chaos of the girl exploding a transport. The Night Buzzard would have easily lost them in those icy planetary rings if it weren’t for the beacon. Now the real trouble was scouring this wretched city for wherever they had traveled to.

Ushar had never witnessed such a grand spectacle of darkness until that moment in the desert, even from Kylo. If the girl were to ever usurp Kylo’s position, he was sure the rest of the Knights would accept her as their master without hesitation. But for now, they were to follow the instructions Kylo had given them to the letter.

“Kylo Ren wants the girl alive,” he reminded everyone. “Kill the rest.”

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I have a suggestion, do not retain the idea of Mr. Rey (not a Finding Nemo reference) being a clone of Palpatine. Rey being the actual granddaughter of Palpatine - a familial, hereditary connection between the two - solidifies her belief that her being his blood, direct granddaughter is the reason she is continually giving into the dark side, that no one is going to give her any validation because of her heritage, you get the idea; not to mention in the actual film it streamlines Palps’ motivations…

Palpatine is suffering in a clone body and hopes to possess a Force-sensitive, so he decides to conceive a child, acknowledging that biological children are not clones in the way his failing body is, hoping for that child to turn out to be Force-sensitive; his son, however, turns out to be a non-Force-sensitive — the mere fact alone he does not teach him in the ways of the dark side implies he is not Force-sensitive, and if he were Force-sensitive then the events of the sequel trilogy would not have turned out the way it did.

The man goes on to conceive Rey with a woman, Palpatine goes after her, the man and woman abandon Rey and the both of them are killed by Ochi, and Palpatine goes after Ben Solo instead, yadda yadda.

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I like that thought process Testing. I do believe the reason Rey’s father is never mentioned as being a clone in the original movie is because of what you said: “a familial, hereditary connection between the two solidifies her belief[s]”. While my original plan was to make the clone side of things even more apparent, what you said here has definitely made me consider going in the exact opposite direction. The biggest question from such an idea is this: who is Rey’s grandmother? Just a random Sith acolyte woman?

Furthermore, when I said my original plan was to lean into the whole clone side of things, consider this. I was going to alter Kylo’s dialog to be the following: “You’re his daughter. My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was a clone of the Emperor.” Therefore, technically speaking, doesn’t that make her even MORE like Palpatine? As in, would you rather be Hitler’s grandchild or his child?

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

I like that thought process Testing. I do believe the reason Rey’s father is never mentioned as being a clone in the original movie is because of what you said: “a familial, hereditary connection between the two solidifies her belief[s]”. While my original plan was to make the clone side of things even more apparent, what you said here has definitely made me consider going in the exact opposite direction. The biggest question from such an idea is this: who is Rey’s grandmother? Just a random Sith acolyte woman?

Furthermore, when I said my original plan was to lean into the whole clone side of things, consider this. I was going to alter Kylo’s dialog to be the following: “You’re his daughter. My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was a clone of the Emperor.” Therefore, technically speaking, doesn’t that make her even MORE like Palpatine? As in, would you rather be Hitler’s grandchild or his child?

I’d rather think Rey’s father was conceived in vitro only to avoid the unfortunate mental image of Sheev having offspring by natural means.

Also are you going to dive into the backstory of Rey’s mother, even if briefly? At first I assumed Rey’s father arrived on Jakku right after leaving Exegol and there he settled down with a woman, but probably a native Jakkuvian should know better than to sell her daughter to Unkar Plutt 😄

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Yeah I think I’ll probably stick with the whole “Rey is Palpatine’s daughter” thingy (in biological terms).

But what makes you say that about Unkar? They were leaving the planet and didn’t want to take her with them. Then Ochi tracks them down, reclaims his ship, tells Rey’s dad he is never leaving Exegol again, and then demands to know where Rey is. I’d remove Rey’s mother mentioning Jakku. Therefore, as far as Ochi knows, they were never on Jakku.

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Yeah I think I’ll probably stick with the whole “Rey is Palpatine’s daughter” thingy.

Would you rather do that, or reinforce Rey and Palpatine’s respective motivations as described above?

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TestingOutTheTest said:

Yeah I think I’ll probably stick with the whole “Rey is Palpatine’s daughter” thingy.

Would you rather do that, or reinforce Rey and Palpatine’s respective motivations as described above?

Well, like I said, from my perspective the revelation that she is even more closely related to him should be more shocking for Rey. I suppose it depends on how you look at it though. Is a clone of Palpatine truly Palpatine? Ultimately I believe it comes down to biology in the case of this story.

Honestly, to me it seems the way it originally is in the novel is a dumb callback to Boba being the son of Jango even though he was technically only a clone. I don’t believe Palpatine would claim a non-Force-sensitive clone as his son, personally, so I wanted to lean more heavily into him being a clone over a son.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Honestly, to me it seems the way it originally is in the novel is a dumb callback to Boba being the son of Jango even though he was technically only a clone. I don’t believe Palpatine would claim a non-Force-sensitive clone as his son, personally, so I wanted to lean more heavily into him being a clone over a son.

This might make more sense. It’s one thing for Kylo to describe Rey’s father as the son of the Emperor in order to streamline the revelation, but Palpatine indirectly reivindicating him by referring to Rey as his ‘grandchild’ doesn’t seem something like he would do (if anything he should be ashamed of how useless the clone is for his plans, except for continuing the bloodline). So for me it seems better from a story and continuity aspect to refer to Rey as the daughter of Sidious.

I only said the Unkar thing because it seemed strange for me that Rey’s parents, now retconned as heroic and good-natured people in TROS, still sold her to a really awful guy.

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Oh, right, you didn’t hear. I’m making them bad people. They really did sell her because her father had PTSD over the Force after suffering a bunch of experiments on Exegol. So when she started demonstrating Force powers, he was terrified, and convinced his wife to sell her. They were also drunks.

The reason I’m giving for why they don’t give up her location is that Ochi tells her father that he will never be able to leave Exegol again. So rather than return to his personal hell, he’d rather just die as well as spite Palpatine.

I may dedicate a whole portion of a chapter to their backstory. Who knows.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Oh, right, you didn’t hear. I’m making them bad people. They really did sell her because her father had PTSD over the Force after suffering a bunch of experiments on Exegol. So when she started demonstrating Force powers, he was terrified, and convinced his wife to sell her. They were also drunks.

The reason I’m giving for why they don’t give up her location is that Ochi tells her father that he will never be able to leave Exegol again. So rather than return to his personal hell, he’d rather just die as well as spite Palpatine.

I may dedicate a whole portion of a chapter to their backstory. Who knows.

Thank you so much, I didn’t really mind Rey being a Palpatine but the retcon about her parents bothered me way more.

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So it looks like the only Chewbacca scene in First Order captivity I’ll be able to include is the interrogation one. I’m pushing the reveal that he is still alive until Rey senses it. Here is how the scene is looking thus far. Besides some slight changes, the only thing I wrote myself was the final memory. It comes straight out of a comic:

Before Kylo Ren went down the Kijimi’s surface to find the girl, he had some unfinished business to attend to. He stopped before the door of Interrogation Six, rallying his thoughts. He had all the power now, he reminded himself. The Wookie was his past. He meant nothing to him.

Kylo opened the door. Chewbacca was shackled to the wall. He stepped inside and removed the mask from his head. The Wookie met his eyes, undaunted.

“I have not forgotten that you shot me,” Kylo said.

That wound had resulted in a defeat at Rey’s hands. Had he been in top fighting form, the scavenger never would have gotten the best of him. It had nothing to do with being unbalanced like Snoke had said, he assured himself.

With a wave of Kylo’s hand, Chewbacca’s shackles opened and clanked to the floor. He removed the lightsaber from his belt. Dropped it to the ground.

“Kill me,” Kylo taunted. “I am defenseless. Now’s your chance. Have your revenge for Han Solo.”

Chewbacca had never been stupid, and so he made no move. But he growled, dark and low.

“Feel that?” Kylo continued. “It makes you feel alive, doesn’t it? That burning. The dark side. It makes you powerful. You understand that. The scavenger will understand it, too.”

He sensed a stab of fear from the Wookie, on Rey’s behalf. Kylo smiled, for he’d just been given his way in. Chewbacca loved the girl. In time, he would love her as much as he’d loved Han Solo. The way he’d never really loved Ben.

Kylo’s voice crackled with rage. “What was her mission? Where is she going? Give me the answer… or I’ll take it myself.”

It should have been satisfying to watch Chewbacca wince in fear. Kylo should have felt pleasure in reaching out with the Force, inserting himself into the Wookie’s mind, searching through his memories and thoughts.

Instead, it was exhausting. He saw flashes of the Wookie laughing with a much younger Han Solo than he himself remembered. Felt Chewbacca’s joy when his best friend married the woman he’d come to love like a sister. Saw the Wookie cuddling a human toddler, teaching an older boy to fly a speeder, target practice with a young man, their blasters set on stun against a haphazard dummy made of rocks.

Uncle Chewie, he’d called him back then.

The next memory he saw exhausted him the most. Chewbacca was aiming his bowcaster at a man dressed in black, standing alone on a thin bridge over an endless abyss. His sights were directly over the man’s head. He could feel the Wookie’s overwhelming desire for vengeance. But then the memories of the boy flashed before him again in an instant. Chewbacca instead lowered his bowcaster to the man’s abdomen and fired.

Nausea rolled around in the pit of Kylo’s stomach when he finally walked away from Interrogation Six. He’d gotten what he wanted. Surely the sense of triumph would soon follow?

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Great addition. I always thought having Kylo get glimpses of his childhood through Chewie would’ve been nice to see. I love how you basically included that fan comic that floated around of Chewie intentionally not killing Kylo when he could have.

Did Kylo get what he wanted from
Chewie, though? You might could add a bit extra to clarify that a little bit. It makes it seem like the memories of their shared past are what he wanted.

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I agree. It says in there that he wanted to know about what their mission was, what they were up to, etc. I’ll add in a basic summary of what that actually is at the end there.

Appreciate the feedback btw.