Here’s what I’ve got, running with Hal’s ideas.
Since the audience only gets to hear this once, I’ve tried to keep it as simple and easy to follow as possible, and focus solely on hammering home the absolute core message that needs to be taken away: the Dagger leads you to the Wayfinder, but only if you let the Dark Side in.
This dagger whispers to a darkened heart,
Towards the Wayfinder you will be led.
Surrender to Darkness to find the way,
When you embrace it, only this blade tells.
All four lines say the same information, but it goes by so quickly and we absolutely need the audience to remember the key message, so I don’t think it’s a worry.
Also, I’m never going to stop being tickled by how “only this blade tells” fits perfectly into iambic pentameter, what were the odds.
Trying out a few different things here. Thoughts?
I think what would really sell it is if we could find some instance of Naomi Ackie saying “Fine.” I also reversed the clip of Horse Man, so that he looks over towards Jannah before she makes her verdict. I think it would be perfect if he looks over when she says “Fine. I can take you there by water.”
This is really good so far! I agree it would be great if she said “Fine.” at the start of her line; surely Naomi Ackie has said that somewhere in her filmography.
I do feel like it needs a C-3PO “ice breaker” though. But I’m not sure what. His movements in that shot look like he’s meant to be talking, too (that’s not your fault though, obviously).