I like that, Burbin. It still reads like a poem, but they are more clearly instructions. Plus, instead of just stating what it does, it is commanding the reader what it must do. And the fact that it doesn’t perfectly rhyme is okay, since this it is a translation after all.
If you don’t mind, I played around a little bit with it for the hell of it:
This blade only whispers to darkened hearts
To show them where the Sith Wayfinder dwells
Reveal your anger, and unleash your hate
To those it chooses, only this blade tells.