I get what you’re trying to do, but I think this is a mistake:
–> Restructure the Kamino subplot and romance subplot so they don’t jump back and forth as often
Lucas juxtaposed these two storylines for a reason. By giving us Anakin and Padme falling in love in the Lake Country at the same time we (through Obi-Wan) learned about Kamino and the clones we saw love and war side by side. It made perfect sense juxtaposing the Lake Country and Kamino. You have the two young lovers falling on the one side, and the Clone army, set up for war, on the other.
We know that Anakin falling in love with Padme is going to eventually lead him to take the Dark Path, and the Clone Army is going to turn on the Jedi somehow. Having the introduction of the clones and the introduction of the love story juxtaposed is brilliant because here you have the two key forces that BRING THE JEDI DOWN: Order 66 and Anakin Skywalker falling in love. It’s so perfect.
If you take that away, you’re taking away that brilliant juxtaposition.
I do like some of your other ideas, though.