Also, let’s talk about the hangar scene. I want to maintain the same form and structure of their conversation: I think the conversation itself is actually pretty fantastically written, even if I don’t personally like the information it’s revealing.
Structurally, it has:
- a logical flow,
- a very effective rise and fall of tension and release,
- a nice pair of matching rhetoric devices, which both work independently for each of their individual purposes, yet also enhance each other by their mirrored placements,
- and all of this in a great economy of words.
Let’s break down what it does specifically and how it does it. Here’s the original conversation from the screenplay:
REY: Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.
KYLO REN: Because he saw what you would become. You don’t just have power. You have his power. You’re his granddaughter. You are a Palpatine.
[Rey looks shocked]
KYLO REN: My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was the son of the Emperor. What Palpatine doesn’t know is we’re a dyad in the Force, Rey. Two that are one.
[Wind whistling]
KYLO REN: We’ll kill him together and take the throne.
[Breathing raggedly]
KYLO REN: You know what you need to do. You know.
[he offers his hand to Rey]
REY: I do.
And here’s the same conversation, but the dialogue replaced line-by-line with the information it contains and the techniques used to deliver it:
REY: Why did the Emperor want Rey dead? What was special about her specifically? Emphatic entreaty for answer.
KYLO REN: How Palpatine knows the reveal. Antimetabole building to reveal. Reveal. Brief expansion of reveal.
[Rey looks shocked]
KYLO REN: Chiasmus building to Dyad. Palpatine doesn’t know about Dyad. Brief explanation of Dyad.
[Wind whistling]
KYLO REN: Kylo presents alternate path with him.
[Breathing raggedly]
KYLO REN: Kylo calls back to their earlier connection. Repetition.
[he offers his hand to Rey]
REY: Answer with unexpected double meaning.
So what we’ve got now is a template of how the original conversation is executed, into which I can just plug the new, different, information. (Then I can smooth it out if necessary.) It’s just a matter of deciding the new wording to use, to make it read well and feel authentic.