I think this is one of those changes that works better as a concept rather than in actual practice. I just think the syntax of it is weird. If it was something like “A thousand generations live in you now… and we’ll always be with you… But this is your fight.”, it wouldn’t sound as wonky to me. But, I’m not sure if that’s possible.
😕
Agreed. Technically, it sounds like it’s incorporated well into the scene; but structurally, it doesn’t flow. It’s just a bunch of sentences without any flow between them.