This is a rough version I did: https://vimeo.com/414948227
That flows really well!
If I may ask, what’s the current trajectory of Rey Nobody looking like? Is Rey still going to be the one who murdered her parents? And speaking of, what’s their deal anyway? I’ve heard some discussion of “Were they good people?” “Were they still kinda lame and scummy?” I’m not really sure what the current look of the project is though.
I don’t know how possible it would be to aim for Rey’s parents to be lame and scummy, but I definitely think it would be stronger from a character perspective, not to mention being more in line with The Last Jedi. (The fewer ret-cons the better, I say.) If Rey is going to have murdered her parents, then you’d want to make it plausible that she’d fall to the Dark Side again. If her parents were good, Rey either killed them accidentally, or out of a misunderstanding. But! If they actually did sell her off, and Rey’s screaming into the desert after them…little Rey, so full of anger and bitterness…reaches out, and kills them.
If it was an accident, well, okay. She’s grown up now, she’s more mature, she can control her powers; it won’t happen again. If that innate darkness is fueled by a primal, justifiable cause though? Man, oh man, she could snap at any time. Maybe she will finally turn…
Your edit is almost there too - just trim the line about “Palpatine had your parents killed” and the flashback with them in it, and all of the dialogue works perfectly. Besides, that makes a stronger story thematically too - Palpatine isn’t some lame boogeyman who’s been plaguing Rey since childhood; he’s more so here to act as a metaphor for her own internal darkness, and he’s only interested in her because he can sense her darkness now that it’s manifested.