I agree as well, but that’s slightly out of my talents haha.
I tried your new line and it sounds completely natural now. But it does feel a little squished. Needs some space to breath.
id like to hear the newer version you made.
Also Nev, I’m not entirely sure why you feel they are no longer a master/apprentice. She is still being taught by Leia, and if he weren’t dead, he would still be her master.
I’m not saying they aren’t master/apprentice, just that their relationship doesn’t need to be stuck at that level.
It would be like Luke returning to Dagobah only for Yoda to say ‘The final exam I have for you Padawan Skywalker, multiple choice, it is’. No, he gets right to the final task.