That’s great! Definitely an improvement, I’ll add it in if that’s alright. I was worried that it would overcomplicate the core idea being conveyed, but it just strengthens it. And that final line is fantastic as a result; the final line I’d written was the part I was least happy with, too.
Post #1413575
- Author
- CaptainFaraday
- Parent topic
- The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The Faraday Edit (WIP)
- Link to post in topic
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1413575/action/topic#1413575
- Date created
- 28-Feb-2021, 1:04 AM