I wrote the Eye of Webbish Bog back into the first chapter, based on my conversation with JarJarBricks. I wanted to lean into an Arthurian legend type of thing; a mystical being who distributes important mysterious artefacts from a body of water, and seems to have knowledge of how the story is going to pan out in the end. I hyphenated the name, because while I understand that Webbish Bog is probably meant to be the name of the body of water they’re standing in, it sounds delightfully Welsh.
First and last lines are from the existing chapter, to give the new bit of text’s placement.
On the altar was a stone chest, large enough that Kylo could have laid down on its roughly hewn lid. With a sweep of his hand the lid was blown away by the Force, water sloshing violently where it tumbled into the lake and stirred up sludge.
But the water continued churning for too long. Kylo looked up.
Something was emerging from the mire behind the altar.
Kylo’s first thought was that it resembled a dianoga, but its singular eye was much larger – at least the size of Kylo’s head, and its pupil a wide horizontal slit, like a Mimbanian goat’s eye. A long sinewy neck rose from the water beneath it, finally revealing a knobbly misshapen body, sheening with wetness, bits of lake detritus clinging to its pasty skin. It was held up by a forest of long, thin, spidery tentacles, like the roots of a mangrove tree.
The creature spoke to Kylo in a soft, distant voice, directly into his head. “I am the Eye of Webbish-Bog. I know what you seek.”
“You will give it to me,” Kylo ordered.
“No need for that,” the Eye said plainly. “Do you really think it would have been left in the stewardship of one who could be swayed so easily by a trick of the Force?”
No, he supposed not.
“I must warn you,” the Eye continued. “If you proceed down this path, you embrace your destiny. You will become who you were meant to be.”
At these words, ambition burned in Kylo. He had killed the past and watched it die, time and time again, and this creature knew it.
“I know what awaits,” he replied. “Where the contents of that chest will take me.”
“Oh yes,” said the Eye. “You know. You certainly know!”
It cocked its head, making an eerie squealing noise. It took a moment for Kylo to realize the creature was laughing at him.
“Yes, you know,” it said. “Embrace your destiny!”
Kylo’s lightsaber burst to life as he raised it above his head, but the Eye of Webbish-Bog had already sunk beneath the water, leaving only an uncannily still surface and the echo of its unpleasant squealing laugh.
Once he was certain the Eye would not return, Kylo deactivated his lightsaber and turned his attention back to the large, open chest in front of him on the altar. Though there was nothing to cast such a shadow, the inside of the chest was dark as night.
He reached inside, and his hand emerged holding a pyramidal object. It fit satisfyingly in his palm, heavy and hot. He stared at it a moment, lost in its red glow.
There are a few bits I’m not happy with, but I won’t specify which because I don’t want to bias any feedback.