You did a good job syncing the “You will” line, I thought! I like it. It still kind of has the same issue as before, where the central conflict seems to be about Palpatine wanting her to take over for/as him - so the finale of the trilogy still becomes about Palpy rather than about Rey - and the possession stuff that’s inevitably coming still clashes with the previous “Kill Rey” scenes; but I think you’ve done a good job of toning it all down and making it less offensive.

Yours is good in a “How can we dull the blow” kind of way, whereas mine is more of a “Let’s completely redo the sequence and see if it can be made better.” I still admittedly think mine works better for the story and the larger themes ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ); but mine would definitely be a tougher nut to crack.