In the version of the scene jarbear has been sharing, I originally had the scene order as: Jump from Jedha, Krennic & Tarkin over Jedha, Jyn rallies team, Yavin receiving update, U-Wing recieving orders, Krennic leaving.
If that change does get implemented, I would consider restructuring the conversation to go something like this. As that version has it, Bodhi is unprompted when he asks Jyn if she is Galen’s daughter. This version of the conversation has him ask after she refers to Galen as her father.
Scene starts on Jyn, with eyes closed, processing what just happened. We hear Cassian say “Set course for Yavin IV” in the background.
Chirrut: Baze, tell me. All of it? The whole city? Tell me.
Baze: All of it.
Baze gives Bodhi a dirty look. Bodhi, defeated, slumps his head down and removes his goggles.
Jyn: My father’s message, I’ve seen it.
Cassian looks over at Jyn.
Jyn: They call it the Death Star. But they have no idea, there’s a way to defeat it.
Bodhi: So you’re Galen’s daughter?
Jyn: You know him?
Bodhi: I’m Bodhi, the pilot.
Jyn: You brought the message?
Bodhi: Yes. Your father, he said I could get right by myself.
Jyn stares intensely at Bodhi.
Bodhi: He said I could make it right… if I was brave enough… to listen to what was in my heart.
Cassian walks closer to Bodhi as he speaks.
Bodhi: Do something about it.
Jyn stands.
Jyn: [to Cassian] You’re wrong about my father!
Then the conversation continues however you want. I personally would prefer cutting the dialogue between Jyn and Baze referring to what her father did as “rigging a trap inside of it”, but that may cut too much from the scene, especially since this version of the scene also cuts Baze’s line “Seems pretty late to me”. If you wanted to keep that line, you could do this:
Bodhi: Guess it was too late.
Jyn: It wasn’t too late.
Baze: Seems pretty late to me.
Jyn: [OF] No.
Bodhi looks at Jyn as she stands up.
Jyn: [to Cassian] You’re wrong about my father!
But I prefer the pacing of the first version, personally.
In the version jarbear posted, I also had changed Jyn’s line from, “Then we’ll find him and bring him back, and he can tell them himself” to “Then we’ll bring him back, and he can tell them himself”, but I think this trim was unnecessary in retrospect, especially if you establish that Cassian has told K2 to go back to Yavin IV. Plus, it is an awkward cut, I think.
I also like jarbear’s idea to cut Cassian’s line “I’ve already done that.”