@EddieDean – intro looks awesome! Thanks for the opportunity to contribute.

A few nitpicks (feel free to disregard if you/the community disagree):

The title cards feel a bit too long, with the timing seeming disproportional for the last sentence on each card, particularly the first one.
In building the new music, I actually had a different broad vision of the timing. Using your video on Vimeo, timestamps below were my initial intention for the music to be matched to the associated “action”:

Pre-intro text music: 0:26 (no prob)
1st line: 0:31 (no prob, since 1st line is so short…)
2nd line: 0:34
3rd line: 0:40
Fade to black: 0:46
1st line, 2nd card: 0:49
2nd line: 0:54
3rd line: 1:00
Logo, growing: 1:05
Logo stop growing: 1:16
Logo cuts immediately to black: 1:20
Chapter title: 1:25 (no prob, but I could cut/crossfade a good 2-3 secs between 1:20 and 1:25 to tighten)

(EDIT: Happy to do a mock-up if the above doesn’t make sense.)

Of course, this is your edit; do what feels best!