It works really well, great job! It makes a lot more sense than Obi-Wan calls her before he gets beaten up, and I love how you even used it as a way to fix the weird wipe when she’s on her speeder. Satine’s arrival, the fight and the elevator sequence feel close to seamless to me, even though I know you’ve actually trimmed them much shorter than they originally were.

My only minor, minor quibbles would be:

it feels like it cuts slightly early at 1:40 because the helmet is only just coming towards the audience’s attention from the edge of the screen - could you slightly reframe/retime the shot so there’s a greater focus/linger on the helmet, or introduce some kind of musical stinger there to lead us back to Satine and Pre’s conversation, to really drive it home as a ‘The Death Watch are there!’ realisation for the audience?
When we go from Obi-Wan to Satine at 3:14, Obi-Wan starts talking while his face is still on the screen clearly not talking, and it feels like the music dips for a moment.