One suggestion about the crawl. Be mindful about your word choice. SW crawls (both text and CW narration) always use very formal English with “big words”. This may not be very important to some, but I as a non-native speaker kinda was forced to learn to pick up on those things to become fluent. All of them are that way.

It’s only one word that bugged me: “So”. It’s very informal.
I’d suggest:

Anakin Skywalker has achieved the rank of JEDI KNIGHT. In light of this, his master Obi-Wan Kenobi has put in a request for a new padawan.

The rest is really good. Adverbs and Adjetives like you used in “vicious Sith assassin” are also very present in crawls. That works really well.

It’s a very small change but I think it fits SW vocabulary better.