Splitting the text as you have and adding capitalisation is a great improvement. The slight zoom on the TCW logo also works well.
The new intro music is alright, but I think I’m in the minority who quite liked the original, more melancholy music. While having Ahsoka’s theme there certainly helps cement her as the main character, I wouldn’t want a prospective audience to get sick of it, or for the repetition to reduce the impact of its use at the end of Season 5 (which I presume you’ll replicate to some degree).
I’m not sold on the yellow credits text. Bright yellow is a Star Wars colour, but I don’t think it looks very nice on anything except black. I’d be tempted to use the teal, but to experiment with slightly zooming in each piece concept art and slowly panning across it in some random direction.
I still think the TCW logo should be the first thing we see after the Star Wars TV intro (assuming cold opens aren’t feasible); and I think the new music would actually facilitate that even better.
Regarding using screenshots of deleted scenes for the credits: isn’t it mostly unfinished, pre-viz stuff? I’d be in favour of filtering any screenshots you do use. An alternative is fanart but that’s a lot of permissions to ask for.
On the topic of deleted scenes, it seems there are some fully animated sequences. Perhaps they could be readded, where they don’t conflict with the final episode, to beef up the runtime of shorter episodes. Though perhaps that goes against the ethos of cutting away filler.