It’s a stretch to describe Rey vs Kylo in TFA as a humiliation. She barely defends herself, then unexpectedly goes at him in a rage, and after a struggle lands a single blow. Plus, not to reiterate tired points, but Kylo had also just been shot, was riding something of a post-patricide emotional rollercoaster, and wasn’t trying to kill her. It’s certainly not as humiliating as having your spaceship blown up by a ten year old by accident, or having twenty years worth of R&D on a massive space station rendered moot by a lucky shot from a redneck.
Those details aren’t the relevant parts. This is about the feelings the audience gets. They saw the hero beat up the villain at the end of the story–she stands triumphant over him and he’s on the ground. This is the imagery that resonates in the movie medium, and why people didn’t connect with Rey as the hero: she already won.
That’s not a good starting point for Rey’s journey–if anything, that’s the starting point for Kylo.