The Twelve Trees Of Christmas - 2013 - 5/10
I was in the mood for a “different” Christmas film.
Something along the lines of Chupacabra Vs Baby Jesus Vs Salvation Army Santas.
This is out there, I just know it! Or it ought to be.
Whilst I searched for holiday horrors, my bride waltzed in and loaded this winner.
Manhattan library is scheduled to be wrecked for swanky new condos!
Rather than phone Don Trump for advice, plucky librarian decides to save her beloved workplace with a Christmas tree contest!
Oh, and it just happens she lives in the same apartment as the billionaire owner of the library site.
Even better, he is young, handsome, and single. Another Festivus miracle!
Will the library be saved? Will love blossom? Will that little girl take elocution lessons?
Note: I was fairly bruised by the time credits rolled.
Because I kept asking questions and kept getting shoved, punched or kicked in reply.
“Her librarian character is single, thin, and straight? All three?”
“Her apartment is huge! With a view! On a librarian salary! Where can I get one?”
“Wait a minute. Her boss, the head of the library, hooking up with the janitor?”
“Where are all the homeless people? Street people, crazy people, bums?”
“What kids read real books? Those kids don’t have smart phones?”
“Where did contestants buy their trees? They must be 15 feet high, all of ‘em!”
“Look, Casper Van Dien!"
'Casper who?"
“Everyone fights, no one quits,” I said and was ignored.
"Whoa, is that Scary Spice?”
Yes, it was. Christmas treacle from the Lifetime Channel. Caveat emptor.