I wonder if, to help drive home the premonition as a threat, Kylo could mention how Rey and Palpatine have shared the vision after he announces it to her.
When Kylo catches Rey in the forest in TFA (timestamp 1:18:08), he says to her while wearing his helmet, “The map. You’ve seen it.” I wonder if that line could be reused in the hangar right after the reveal, with a bit of tweaking to hide the recycling? Maybe even with some word replacement and emphasis adjustment, we could have “He’s seen it. You’ve seen it,” or maybe “He knows you’ve seen it.”
The explanation of the dyad that RogueLeader added, “I the light, you the darkness,” could be moved to after he says the dyad “two who are one” line, as Rey is backing up to the edge of the hanger (literally as he moves closer to the light of the door and she moves closer to the darkness of space, lol), which I think might improve the flow of his elaboration leading into “together, nothing will stand in our way.”