This morning I had time to watch episode III. The amount of story you’ve chosen is sufficient and connects with the scenes, though this whole arc is relatively straight forward.
Story wise two things occurred to me:

the time ventress returns to dathomir and tells mother she needed time before returning - it is kind of odd because the plot is fast paced and we’ve no sense how long she has been gone, so leaving and the second return happens right after each other. My suggestion would be to fill in something, is there any footage usable?
at 1:26:22 ventress is leaving dathomir after mother told her, she have to follow her own path now, ventress is kind of left desperate in the Woods (wide shot from above). But 1:26:23 she suddenly travels to a new planet with a ship. Is there any footage of her acquiring this ship?

In retrospective I feel the last paragraph of the crawl should be changed. Yes, Palps orders Dokuu to kill ventress, but is it really a „evil scheme“? In my opinion it bloats the role of palpatine in this, even though he just orders a kill once without any further deep planing.

Technical criticism: you’ve to work on your audio transitions, there are to hard. Is there any chance you can do such things in iMovie?

0:22:55/56; 0:44:10; 1:05:04; 1:26:23