Rogue, I like your idea a lot about Palps plan being more “open” at the beginning since “we” the audience know the danger of Rey striking him down.
The work around would be Rey doing the actual striking Palps since she was so hesitant for a bit till she thought she had no other choice (untill she sensed Ben) to then change her action.
That is the key is making changes and cuts to support that. Since the idea is to change, or remove, Palps explanation at that time about the whole possessing thing there is no reason for Rey to hesitate. Since simply for her, it’s “Hey, major bad guy let’s kill him since he is the cause of all the problems.”
She doesn’t have a reason to hesitate, though “we” the audience know she sbouldnt.
So my initial thought is Ben needs to “tell her” or does something where she understands that she can’t strike him down.
Maybe a voice over of some sort during the “Rey and Ben stare” before she transfers the lightsaber over could do it? Not sure if audibly it can be done.