Truth be told I think you’re trying to accomplish way too much in the time allotted. Sometimes less is more, especially in Star Wars with cool looking masked characters like these. For example, the first moment on Pasaana, I think it’d be a lot more impactful if the only line was “I get his teeth.” I could go down the line but, while these are fun suggestions, every single moment would be better by keeping it short. When the Knights confront Ben in particular is really too much. Just one short sweet line like “still chasing the girl would work,” timed so as to not step on Williams’s music which is doing a lot for the scene on its own.