I would definitely use these for my edit. Great job! On Kijimi, I actually like the Palapatine wants her alive part a lot but in my edit Palpatine is not revealed until later.
Is that right? In the workprint that I have of yours, Palpatine shows up around the 37 minute mark, and the Knights of Ren are on Kijimi at 44:15. Has that changed?
No. My brain just misfired. For me the Palpatine line can work then. I like it a lot because it shows a rift in the KoR.