I admit that although I love Samuel Kim’s arrangements, most of them do not fit to be in the films themselves because they feel too much like trailer music. For example, the main theme version from the TROS trailer is based on a four-chord sequence, a trait that’s very un-Williams but common in more modern cinematic music.
But even if the music doesn’t feel Williams, I can’t deny that your rescore is goosebump-inducing. I would have loved if that scene in the film had a more emotional soundtrack like the one you used. The space battle in general deserved more attention and screentime.