I think you could make the new rough version work. I personally quite like it, and keeping Anakin’s explicit authoritarianism is helpful for Padme’s turn as long as you have no plans on having Obi-wan outright tell her earlier that Anakin killed other “jedi”.

In the workprint I have, Padme’s “yeah i brought him hear to kill you” reaction is great, but at this point the audience had not been privy to Padme hearing about or witnessing behavior from Anakin that she finds murderously objectionable. Even his short rant about ruling the galaxy with her, on the context of saving her life, goes a long way towards fixing it.

I think Obi-Wan visibly being there the whole time is great. Though I wish there was a way for the exchange about Obi-wan wanting to help/knowing about them to feel less clunky, cus Anakin already knows Obi-Wan knows and I know Padme just found out Obi-wan knew, but it still feels weird to me.

There’s a moment where Anakin looks up at Obi-Wan and he’s just standing there, it cuts back to Padme/Anakin and back to Obi-Wan who is now walking down the ramp, and I think it could help the visual flow if the first time Anakin looks up at him he is walking down the ramp.

And I’m in agreement with some of the other posters now, “I’m so sorry” feels weird where you have it. I wonder it might work after the fight?