Sometimes when I’m watching TV or a movie, or playing a video game, I get this overwhelming stress that I might not be in the mood to fully enjoy the content. This easily snowballs into a self-fulfilling prophecy where I don’t enjoy the content because I’m too stressed about the possibility of not enjoying the content. As petty as it is it’s been killing me inside for the past several years. This constant overhanging doubt. It’s not always there, but it is there often enough to make a difference. Especially for rewatches. Today I tried rewatching a show I love and I couldn’t get past 7 minutes because of that stress. I’ll try tomorrow with my concentration meds.
My life is being held together by duct tape and Batman, and I am so sick of Batman (tried Lego Batman today and god it is nowhere near as good as the Lego games based on existing stories). Swap that with Star Wars hype and it’s 2015 all over again but with more awareness and I hate it. I feel disinterested in my writing, although I have started learning guitar, which has helped me keep busy. I do dabble in drawing from time to time, but hardly enough to even maintain skill, let alone improve. It’s either focus on everything or focus on nothing, depending on whether I take my meds. I don’t have anything to occupy myself because my usual hobbies are failing me.
Please send help.