Here are my general thoughts on the crawl.
Of course I want to continue the thread set up last film of Luke inspiring the galaxy. This is where the “spark of hope” messaging comes in. Anyone who has seen TLJ will know what that’s referring to, and it makes sense separate from that, on its own, as well. My issue with directly mentioning Luke Skywalker is he isn’t really a part of this movie. So it feels wrong to mention him here as if he’s being set up for a big role, when we’re really just recapping (which the crawls don’t do). I wouldn’t necessarily mind just using the name “Skywalker” rather than “Luke Skywalker,” as then it’s less about the specific person. Like including the phrase “the legend of Skywalker” could work.
I also personally don’t really see the space for Rey in this crawl, at least I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone come up with anything about her that I feel is necessary. Saying ‘Leia is training Rey’ just seems kinda redundant to me since we learn that in their first scene. Now maybe if you combined it with the Skywalker stuff - “Rey works to continue the legend of Skywalker” - something like that it could work, although there it kinda gives away the whole thing in regard to Rey Skywalker.
Regarding the First Order, I like the “silenced communication” angle from DOTF but considering it’s not part of the plot of this film in anyway I don’t think it’s really proper to include (the Resistance never overcomes it). What I included in the crawl I just posted, about “plots to raze any systems threatening rebellion” is an intriguing idea to me. I know some people hate the Death Star cannons on the star destroyers, but I’m keeping them, and I think this might be a nice way to tie that in, like the FO is looking for that technology, which also ties in with why they’re looking for the fleet if that is to be included in the crawl as well.
With the Resistance, saying they’re “gathering intel” is accurate set up for what we get, but personally I see an opportunity here to stretch the boundaries of what’s depicted. If you say in the crawl that the Resistance is working to unite the rebelling worlds instead of just gather intel, then hopefully the people uniting in the climax isn’t so much out of left field (we know they’ve been working hard on it). When we see the Falcon gang on their mission, I’d like to think in this case the implication is that they’ve been out and busy recruiting allies, and suddenly get a heads up about a message for Leia.
Now finally Kylo Ren. I’ve already mentioned why I’m not crazy about the Mustafar name drop. The real question here is what he’s looking for. I like the mysterious “source of his master’s dark power,” although I wonder if that is almost too big a question mark. Especially for an opening like this, it could be easy to confuse, which is why I’m starting to lean towards “Imperial fleet,” which gives a tangible and easily understandable goal, and when we see the fleet on Exegol we can make the connection. I don’t like any reference to him looking for something Sith related. He says in the last film he wants the Sith to end. This is probably the one thing I like about the original crawl that it makes sure we know Kylo Ren wants to destroy Palpatine. Finally the phrase that I want to include that no one else seems to want to is Kylo Ren wanting to “end the cycle of war once and for all.” To me, this is kind of a useful statement for a few reasons. TFA and TLJ especially bring up this idea about the cycle of war, and we don’t really get any follow up here. In my mind it’s the best I can do to set this up as the climactic chapter, like this is what’s on the line. Or, at least, that’s what it’s about for Kylo. I think Kylo’s motivation is an important thing to consider. Since this is the film where he finds redemption, we should see the reason in his motivations, even while he’s bad. He’s not megalomaniacal, he’s just trying to end the cycle of war - as he explained in TLJ.