Personally I don’t like the idea of name dropping Mustafar in the crawl, it has like a minute of screen time and is done with. The crawl should be setting up things for the movie as a whole. Plus it might be confusing considering it doesn’t look like Mustafar.
I know you’re not convinced you should just start with Kylo jumping into Exogol’s orbit but the above is a pretty decent argument for just excising the Mustafar Minute entirely.
Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KYLO REN searches for the unknown regions of space for the remains a rumored Imperial fleet, anxious to gain a foothold that could end the cycle of war once and for all. . . .
how about:
Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KYLO REN, eager to end the RESISTANCE once and for all, is searching the unknown regions of space for a rumored Imperial fleet that will give him the power he needs to end the war, forever. . . .
The in-progress edits look (and sound) frankly amazing, Dom.