I made some notes for your clips, hope they aren’t too long-winded!
General Skywalker
All of these are great! Not much to add.
Anakin & Obi-Wan Relationship
I think for any lines we hear when the camera isn’t next to the person speaking needs to have comm distortion. I noticed you did for some lines but not all of them.
I’m not sure if every additional line works, some things feel pretty squeezed in, but I like that you’re trying a lot of different stuff! I like quite a bit of it!
Kashyyyk + Balcony Scene
Dude, the lightsaber banter with Padmé, I never imagined it would be possible to make that ANH line relevant in ROTS, but someone finally figured something out.
I think I would suggest cutting out the end of the line, “-and not be pushed around.” That part of the line feels like it has an accent that Anakin doesn’t have. I also wonder if you could pitch it up very slightly, since it sound a little deeper than Hayden’s voice in ROTS. Maybe I’m wrong though.
I also would cut “I know you do”, it feels squeezed in an I think it takes focus off Padmé’s monologue a little.
Also, the Kashyyyk scene feels really loud, and then the balcony scene is really quite in comparison. I had to turn it up to hear what they were saying, and I went back 15 seconds and the explosions almost blew my ears out haha. I wonder if you turn up the dialogue more or the battle audio down a little.
Regarding the Kashyyyk scene, basically the Republic already has some troops there, but later they decide to send Yoda and another battalion to reinforce them, right? If you keep this, I would recommend removing the Wookiee subtitles. I feel like it is an unspoken rule that Wookiee’s are never subtitled (besides Han speaking their language in Solo.) Just feels weird to me, but that might just be me! I wonder if you could try a right to left wipe for the initial scene transition. Since that shot already has right to left movement, the transition might feel more natural.
Anakin’s Appointment
The lines/shots in the council scene work pretty good! Now Anakin listens to Obi-Wan and doesn’t blow up, definitely a little thing that adds to their friendship.
Sounding Like A Separatist Scene
I think it ends too quickly. I honestly would keep the rest of the scene, just so the transition doesn’t feel so abrupt. But I do like how Anakin just let out a big sigh. I felt that on a spiritual level. Haha.
Also, I wonder if you could very slightly pitch up “what’s the matter?” A lot of these outside lines sound a little deeper than Anakin’s typical voice.
Not from a Jedi
The line, “Is that bad?” I would suggest making Anakin reply more quickly, when we can’t see his mouth, and cut away before we see him start talking. It just doesn’t line up with his mouth movements enough and it is noticeable, and I think the line works better if it is a quick reply, rather than something Anakin thinks a lot about saying.
Obi-Wan’s Reaction to Vader
Did you add blood-curdling screams to the Vader hologram? I think that is too much, honestly. Maybe you could add the occasional death scream when Anakin kills a Jedi, but the screams are a too little freaky, in my opinion.
Mandalore Tie-Ins and Palpatine Reveal
Why the extra lines between Mace and Anakin? To create more tension between them? I do like it.
I don’t think cutting the conversation scene is the right move. People like how we can see the same conversation from two perspectives, and if you remove one perspective then you remove why people like it.
I think you could simply cut the conversation between Yoda, Obi-Wan and Mace so you don’t repeat lines. I wonder if you could just use the scene as how it is cut here minus Yoda’s last line like you already did (and swap the Mace CUs so he still nods in reply to Obi-Wan). I don’t think Mace and Ki-Adi both saying “He should be removed from office” feels like a repeat of the same line in this instance, especially with the first half added just to Ki-Adi’s line. It almost feels like during their first conversation, it is more political, but by the second conversation Mace is starting to suspect there might be something more sinister going on than just a corrupt politician trying to hold onto power.
In the next scene, I would cut the line, “I’m not the Jedi I should be.” You can see Anakin’s not spreading at that moment. I don’t think the line is necessary at this point anyway. I do like the new music, I think it helps remind us of how Anakin views Palpatine, as a wise, trusted mentor.
Mustafar
I know we’ve talked a lot about this before already, I’m sure you’re tired of it but I do share some more thoughts about it! 😅
Because a lot of talk about killing Anakin has been cut, and Obi-Wan not telling Padmé that Anakin has killed younglings, it feels a little out of left field for Padmé to suddenly lie about coming there to kill him for what he’s done. Yeah, Padmé probably can put two-and-two together about his crimes, but now Obi-Wan hasn’t even suggested killing Anakin to Padmé.
I wonder if you could have Obi-Wan say he saw a hologram of him “killing Jedi”. I did attempt this, but maybe someone can make it sound better than I did.
Here’s another idea: in the shot of Padmé slowly backing away, I wonder how it would look if you added a slight digital zoom, so the realization that is dawning on Padmé hits harder. By the end of that shot, and totally in the next shot of Padmé, Anakin is no longer in the frame with her. That physical separation can represent that emotional separation, which leads to Padmé making that claim.
The new line you added after Padmé falls doesn’t seem to fit. The “You weren’t there line” is still noticeable to me as well.
Other Thoughts
As far as the “What have I done?” line, if you’re going for the angle that this edit is meant to better line up with The Clone Wars, then I would say it should be kept.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. It’s looking great!