I was going over the most recent draft of the crawl, and while it’s very good, I have just one suggestion.
Original:
“A shadow has consumed the galaxy. To suffocate the spark of rebellion, the First Order has scattered and isolated those with the bravery to face the darkness.”Grammatically, it feels a little weird starting a sentence with “to”. I think a brief edit to something like “The First Order has scattered and isolated those with the bravery to face the darkness in an attempt to suffocate the spark of rebellion” OR “In an attempt to suffocate the spark of rebellion, the First Order… Etc.”
Something like that. I hope I’m not being too nitpicky!
I agree, I think starting the sentence with “To” seems a bit off.
I have a nitpick of my own, but its more just a personal preference. Does anybody else feel like the sequel content really beat us over the head with the spark/flame metaphor? Similar to how Rogue One and modern OT-era content seems throw the word “hope” around with reckless abandon. Personally, I appreciate those types of metaphors more in smaller doses. I would love to see that particular line swapped to something like “In order to prevent an uprising, the First order has scattered…” But maybe that’s just me.
I am genuinely curious if anybody else feels the same way about the use of spark/flame/hope stuff though? Cool beans.
I think an “upRISING” fits in nicely with the title of the movie too.