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Post #1338682

Author
AbramPT
Parent topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1338682/action/topic#1338682
Date created
28-Apr-2020, 10:39 AM

I was going over the most recent draft of the crawl, and while it’s very good, I have just one suggestion.

Original:
“A shadow has consumed the galaxy. To suffocate the spark of rebellion, the First Order has scattered and isolated those with the bravery to face the darkness.”

Grammatically, it feels a little weird starting a sentence with “to”. I think a brief edit to something like “The First Order has scattered and isolated those with the bravery to face the darkness in an attempt to suffocate the spark of rebellion” OR “In an attempt to suffocate the spark of rebellion, the First Order… Etc.”

Something like that. I hope I’m not being too nitpicky!