It looks pretty good to me. The ‘I’m no one’ feels odd though, mostly due to it being in the center channel when she’s speaking the line off-camera.

Maybe it would work better if you kept the line where it was originally but just zoomed in on her enough to crop out her mouth and/or added more flashes of light obscuring it. Then as she says ‘no one’ you pull back and match it up to the existing camera move in that shot, essentially making the entire shot a more dramatic zoom.

It might also be worth looking at other sources for ‘no one’ since it feels a bit less intense than her inflection in this scene. You could also try using the line ‘nobody’ from TLJ (‘They were nobody’).