It feels odd to go from Kylo on the destroyer to down on the planet with no establishing shots in between.
I agree. The technical work is good, but from a storytelling pov this basically just adds another location to the already fairly large list of locations (EXT: Space, INT: Star Destroyer, EXT: Forest, EXT: Ruins, INT: Ship, EXT: Space) being blipped through in about 3 min before Kylo is actually on his way to do what the crawl says he’s doing.
You’re not wrong. I think my urge is to have some sort of lead up to the Mustafar scene. I do think an establishing shot of some sort instead (possibly with TIE flyby) would be preferable.
However, the crawl is a big improvement. The only thing that feels very strange to me is to mention that Leia is ‘ailing’ right before playing up the strength of the Resistance.
How about something like this?
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I don’t think that’s THE solution, but maybe there’s an idea or a direction in there that might be useful? Use (or ignore) as needed 😃
That’s not bad, I always appreciate rewrites like this, regardless of what I use they’re helpful to step outside of what I’m stuck with and see alternate angles and maybe fire up some ideas. I’ll play some more with this in mind. I will say I do want some sort of reference to Luke’s actions at the end of the last film, and so having the “spark of hope” line seems to me an elegant way of doing that.