Alright Poppasketti, hahaha I have taken “ALL the time” to go through little by little and catalog each and every possible improvement that can be done to bring this film to it’s peak potential!
I will post this here for others to consider and I will also send it to you in a message in case you wish to look it over more thoroughly/to make it easier to find.
I am attempting to view this movie through the lens of both a devoted Star Wars fan and also a more casual film viewer. With that in mind lets dig in!
2:15 So to start us off we have the “oh no” at the first order. So at first I didn’t have a problem with this last small line, (maybe a but cheesy but thats ok) but the more I watched it, I realised Carry’s Daughter wets her lips in preparation for the “oh no” line. which obviously means she was anticipating saying something else and…well wasnt as surprised as she could’ve been (you could say she was wetting her lips to keep talking to the man but this is after she has reacted to the ships arriving)
4:51 This reaction shot by Hux is really too goofy for most movies and it especially sticks out here in an intense start to a battle. The scene still applies to and involves hux because of the hologram transmission a few seconds later as well (4:59). This slap stick is a bit too heavy handed in the direction it takes the character
5:40 So I like the idea behind this small BB8 scene but I think it lasts too long for it to have a comfortable place in this intense scene. I would humbly recommend cutting at 5:42 to inside the dreadnought and then the next time we see BB8 he is only a small way through plugging the wholes (from the first scene 5:43 possibly sped up for urgency) before he gives up (7:02) and switches to drastic measures using his head to fix it. I think this would work very seamlessly
8:45 One thing that I liked from “a certain” fan edit is how he filled in the Star Wars lore for the hardcore fans on how the bombs drop toward the dreadnought. He inserted a slightly muffled line saying something along the lines of “magnetic charges arming” which helps bridge that gap. SW has always done a phenomenal job explaining its own universe’s logic, this would just be a loving addition to help the hard core fans
9:41 This scene always made me a bit exasperated and I could never put my finger on what it was, until now. It seams to me everything is happening to slowly to match the speed of the tension (ie her deciding to climb the ladder before climbing it when people are dying). So I would personally cut this small unnecessary decision and overlap Poe’s commands while shes already climbing
9:57 I could be wrong but I think the scene’s tension would flow even better with less black out time before she wakes up. Maybe a faster pan as well to carry the tension
10:37 cutting the reaction shot of her watching the detonator fly by and going straight from it falling to her catching it will work a lot smoother and logically
11:55 like the previous goofy reaction face of hux I find this front facing shot to be too (respect to the actor) over the top and slapstick for this movie and star wars movies in general. Use the second, slightly more subtle side facing shot. It might be more work than its worth (really depends on how much your willing to go in for this movie) but you could freeze frame and even crop the shot while slowing down his head turn to give an even more nuanced comedic reaction to the defeat
12:29 One way I think you can make this movie feel more like a classic SW movie is by using more signature SW transition wipes. IMO This is a good place for one (circular wipe starting from the middle of the screen moving outward while slightly easing in the sound. I really think it would feel appropriate and familiar
14:25 I LOVE how the music changes the feeling of this scene! My only critique is the method of bringing the music back in after it goes silent feels to quick and swelling (out of place, I can tell it was edited). Perhaps replace it with something more subtle and more inquisitive to match Rey’s emotions
15:54 Like other die-hard fans, Rey translating Chewie to luke (she expects Luke to not understand him after knowing each other this long?) kinda rubbed me the wrong way (this is more of a hardcore fan change but will protect the lore). Cutting just the “he said” part of her line would fix this and heighten the subtle tension of the scene
22:57 Would you please be so kind to edit out the disgusting sound the milk-monster is making while being milked in this small segment? (at least the first moan so that the second could just be a sound its making) I can deal with the the scene being in there but the "orgasmic moans of the monster are just a bit too much for me and many others…please?
34:32 I was thinking about the whole “3 lessons plot hole” and how to fix it and then it hit me! Just change the original line. Luke is turning away so you cant see his lips, there is undoubtedly somewhere Luke says “Too, two, or to” just splice it in and it should be a perfect fix for the questions that kept people wondering on the wrong things
39:02 For some reason Rose’s line “my sister page said Rose” is very obviously and digitally sped up. I have no idea why
39:25 The same thing but much smaller occurs when Rose says “doing”(what were you doing). It sounds digitally altered and possibly sped up, I wonder if you can fix it
54:23 not enough time has passed for the “we’ve searched this whole place zero red plomblooms, where is this guy” dialog to make sense. I think you should cut “weve searched this whole place” line leaving only “zero red plom blooms, where is this guy”
54:40 if we are not going to have anything to do with the Fob’ears hearing her say there names familiarly makes the audience think they will come into play later which they thankfully dont. I think it might be smoother to remove the “what are those things” and “fob ears” lines {edit} Actually if you cut Fin’s inquisitive line asking about the Fob ears then that might carry rose’s character without suggesting anything.
54:42 Also, I dont remember how the original version was, but the close up panning shot to reveal the Fob’ears is then followed by a shot that moves backwards (left) and farther away, which is cinematicly incorrect and comes across as a jarring camera move
56:12 This is another example of a spot that needs a quick side wipe from right to left to preserve the context of character traveling
54:53 The more I watch this film the more jarring the candid voice of the alien is here, I know some people have ideas of dubbing in alien and with subtitles and I think that is a wonderful “Star Warsy” idea (also if you are going for the corrupted police turning them over to the first order that could give more weight to the lady’s reaction with the master code breaker at 54:58)
1:18:03 This transition is one of the most blink and you’ll miss it moments in this movie (which I actually did in the theater fyi) I would humbly recommend you place a circular transition wipe (starting from the edge-in) right here signifying this is a different location with different characters (it can easily be confused with Finn and Rose’s ship in hyperspace, not the Millennium Falcon)
1:42:04 Could you tweak this transition to just a few frames before where you have it so it doesn’t reveal the bridge where the next shot uses it as an establishing shot? It doesn’t look like a professional cut otherwise
1:42:05 Also the music comes in to quick here, after just finishing a roaring orchestral swell
1:42:14 Finn’s lines sound unrefined and electronic, I dont know if there is anyway to fix this, i just thought I should tell you
1:42:21 this transition with a few more frames from the previous ship/bridge cut can be slowed down to be a more recognizable establishing shot so the audience knows where we are (this act has the most problems with locational context IMO)
1:47:04 Lia is standing very dramatically and it looks cool! but my brother asked we why she was standing with the door open if they are supposed to be hiding and protected? I answered this by saying that they were waiting for the possibility of Finn and rose to rondevue, but then 1:47:46 happens and its clear they werent expecting them at all so the scene of lia standing there doesnt make sense. I would like to simply cut all the unnecessary shots at them until
1:47:55 where they are cautious and careful. You could even use the previous shot of their raised hands for some comedy since Poe says “hold your fire”
1:49:59 This a small segment that I have always disliked and I will try to explain why to the best of my ability. Not only does it do nothing to help tell the scene, or the movie, it does nothing for the SW universe at large and it is an eyesore for acting as well! I like that they included some crew in a scene but unlike Rogue One this scene is badly acted (if you stick salt in your mouth it dissolves on your tongue and you cant spit it back out) and serves no purpose but to hold the movie up and distract audiences from what going to happen. Please this is one of the bigger changes I request.
1:50:48 I dont mind Poe’s foot going through the bottom of the speeder, because its situational humor and that has always had a place in Star Wars, the only problem I have with the segment is the dialog is too obviously dubbed over cause he says “what the hell” but his lips arent moving…I would personally just remove the small word if possible and let it be a little more time to establish whats going on without more dialog just facial expressions of a leader who is trying to inspire his troops and keep their hope alive (not to mention is very small but he is talking to his soldiers and then swears ambiguously at something they dont know about, kinda strange if you think about it)
1:51:17 This is definitely the smallest thing I could see changed for the better, the sound design of this move is incredible as is per a SW movie, but when the cannons fire I feel they lack impact or size. It may just be me but I feel like some easy sound tweaking could add some needed bass/crack of battle
1:52:39 I can understand the situational comedy of this segment (even if I dont personally like it very much) but i feel the porg’s scream lasts too long for…well anytime in a movie really but espeacilly in the middle of a battle. I humbly recommend you cut it to one second at 1:52:41
1:53:25 Ok I’m trying to be lenient to the younger audience viewing this movie as much as I can, so I wont say cut the porg hitting the windshield, but maybe just shorten the action by cutting when it directly hits the windshield to the panning side shot of it pressed against the window.
1:53:48 Alright so this is where I would respectfully ask that the porg interrupting the (very compelling and exciting) chase scene by screaming yet again to be cut. The amount that the porgs are shown in this scene compared to the main characters (chewie & Rey) is about equal in minutes, and honestly I cannot believe this is compelling storytelling at work, more likely this is the moment the toy company’s have to shine. Which is fine, we all have to make a living but we are here to enhance this film and bring out it’s best. I think this final porg segment detracts from the expert flying of chewie and his moment to shine in this movie. You can even use the cool back shot of him elsewhere for an establishing shot. Besides the porg gets one last short nice scene to shine at 2:04:40 where he helps out.
1:54:25 This moment of levity (unlike the next scene between Kylo vs Hux) always rubbed me the wrong way since literally the last time we saw them speak kylo was choking hux to make sure he knew who was in charge, and here hux tries to understate kylo/overstate himself and instead of anything Kylo-like, he just gives him an innocent funny look. I just dont see hux’s goofy echo helping the scene, the characters (hux has more reason to betray Kylo when he throws him) or anything we have previously established. In fact I kinda think it downplays the past choking scene.
1:55:22 I love everything about this change! The only thing I would change slightly is, since it all happens so fast it can be hard to follow what happens to rose, I would make Finn’s “Rose!” louder, a few frames later in the base (for establishing context for where the voice is coming from) and easier to hear (less muffled by radio) that way the audience can track better
1:56:09 Since you went to such lengths with the Palpatine radio visuals I was wondering if you’d be willing to edit the “gun lock-on graphics” to differentiate between the walkers and the Tie Fighters (where you got the aiming from 1:52:18). Just something a little different, more lights on dash maybe, less red lines on the screen and no camera shake (since the walker is stationary)
2:11:38 Only the slightest of slight changes with the transition out of Kylo’s face. after watching it with the pace of the film and the scene I think if the middle swipe transition was a bit slower then it would be perfect. I think it would establish finality for Kylo in the movie, so the audience knows thats the last we see of him in this film.
2:11:41 kind of a funny request here but as an actor I noticed something funny with the actors right after that transition. Then I realized there was no action called and Oscar Isaac probably started the take thats why for a second everyone else around him is standing around emotionless and as soon as they notice Poe hugging they start smiling at there scene partner and acting happy. SO would you mind cutting just a few frames after that transition please haha, its a very small thing and really not a priority, but hey still
2:13:49 If you feel that keeping the broom boy enhances the scope of the film (I understand your point of view and I respect it) then absolutely I will support your decision to include him. I think it might tie things together in the end after all, who knows. HOWEVER, if we are going to keep him in to give the universe scope, please cut the shot of the rebel ring. The audience has no context for it, it doesnt make sense for the established universe’s timeline and it will only bring up confusion and questions when we are supposed to feel hopeful and content. I see no reason to keep it in with the current version
ALRIGHT that is everything! If you somehow got through all this then I commend you. These are all the changes I can see, both bigger and (mostly) smaller that will bring this film up to the best version it can be.
Thank you for your consideration.
Poppasketti you gave me hope for this movie’s potential so I say. Lets make this the best Star Wars movie it can possibly be!
If anything doesn’t make sense please ask me about it and I can explain as best I can.