Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons both Admirals.
***
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."
***
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his
new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him
this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank
you for your good wishes, Sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
***
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
***
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before,
monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans always 'ave to show your passports on arrival
in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in'44, I
couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
...and my fave:
***
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.