They sound about the same to me. As far as shots, what if you put the shot of Hux over “-will rise” instead of during the gap inbetween his two sentences? That may not work because you may need a natural break between the sentences, but Snoke’s face coming out from the darkness feels odd, considering it no longer works as a face reveal in this version of the scene.

Or swap the reactions. Have Hux flinch at “the new Jedi will rise”, then use his stoic expression for, “So…” Hux flinching at the idea of the Jedi returning rather than Hux flinching at “So…” It made sense when Snoke stood and shouted “GENERAL!”, but his reaction doesn’t go with anything in this version, besides Snoke just standing up.

EDIT: OR… just cut the stoic Hux shot. Have it go like this: 1. Snoke CU - “Jedi will rise” 2. Hux flinches. 3. Snoke stands, “So…”. 4. Snoke CU “Our strategy must now change.”

It might make more sense to go from a wide to a CU without cutting to a reaction shot in the sequence of shots. Might be worth trying.