Sure, but why not have it that her parents never came back? This genuinely feels like a mistake on Rian’s part, whereas almost all of his other departures from expectation were motivated by an important thematic reason. But regardless, we’re kinda getting off topic.
I mean, the line is basically just a way of saying “no one noticed when they died and they’re buried in the middle of nowhere.” Which is a way of selling home the point that not only did they not come back, they never can, and no one cares (except Kylo). It feels important to me, maybe removing “Jakku desert” would align it better with the ship leaving, but again it’s not hard to think of a way to reconcile the two.
We are getting off topic but I think for Hal’s sake it’s important to think of what lines should or should not be said in that scene with how the reveals in this edit will play out.