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Post #1311919

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The Rise Of Skywalker — Official Review and Opinions Thread
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Date created
18-Dec-2019, 10:56 PM
Last modified
18-Dec-2019, 11:17 PM
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As there remains no proper restoration and release of the OOT, no, I’m not.

It’s 2019. There’s a thousand different options to watch the original version now, it’s not a big deal.

theprequelsrule said:

So let’s hear it already! Somebody give me a synopsis of this film?

Return of the Jedi, but bad. There ya go.

In all seriousness:

  • Palpatine is back and it’s not explained how.

  • Kylo goes to find him and it’s not explained why he was looking for him, or how he knows he’s alive.

  • Snoke was a clone made by Palpatine. Not explained how or why, or anything more said on the matter.

  • Palpatine somehow has a whole fleet of Star Destroyers with Death Star guns on them. Not explained how.

  • Rey is a Palpatine, her Dad was Palpatine’s son (not explained how), so Rey is his granddaughter.

  • Rey and Kylo can both save people from death and bring them back to life. Not explained how.

  • Luke retconned from being a sad old suicidal man to “secretly” keeping tabs on Palpatine.

  • Luke and Leia retconned to “know” Rey was a Palpatine the entire time.

  • Leia dies, horrifically forced and poorly handled.

  • Han is in it as a “memory” (???). Makes no sense whatsoever, but then neither does anything in this stupid movie.

  • Palpatine shoots lightning at Rey, who deflects it back to Palpatine (Palpatine apparently decides that simply not shooting lightning anymore makes too much sense), then dies.

  • Ben almost dies. Then he comes back. Then he dies. But wait no not actually. Then he dies (for real this time).

  • Rey steals the Skywalker name.

  • Force ghost Luke and Leia. Both look horrific and Leia is clearly CGI. Because nothing shouts “respect” like CGI’ing the ghost of a dead actress into your film for cheap nostalgia brownie points.

Those are the main points. I could write an essay on everything that happens in this ridiculous movie but it’s not worth my time.