@poppasketti Here’s a suggestion: can you remove the “oh no” at the beginning of the film? It disrupts the flow of the scene (seriously, it flows so much better without this) and basically tells us how we should react, when in reality we already know that it’s an “oh no.”
It’s not a bad thought. I’ve seen it before without the line and it does work nicely. I’m not sure that I think it is better, though, just different. The “oh no” does feel Star Warsy to me, if that make sense. Does anyone else like that change?