ziggyonice said:

NeverarGreat said:

You can of course discuss anything at any time, I’m all ears 😉

Okay, I’m going to talk about the crawl!

I consider myself to be a semi-purist, and I don’t like changing canon too much. Moving the order of events around and providing some additional context for what has happened is great, but major alterations bug me a bit. So with regards to the crawl, I’d like to keep its contents true while shedding light on three main points:

Luke is missing

The First Order is a threat

The Resistance is defending the Republic

Your existing crawl has some great verbiage and does explain some of this, though it needs to be just a little less wordy and a little more in line with canon. So I’d like to propose another version, which takes some of your ideas (which are fantastic, by the way) and merge them with some of mine. This is what I came up with:

https://vimeo.com/370007727
Password: fanedit

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In the years since his absence,
the fledgling New Republic has
been threatened by the sinister
IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER,
risen by remnants of the Empire.

Lead by a mysterious shadow,
this faction of evil grows quickly,
annihilating all in its
path until Skywalker, the last
Jedi, has been destroyed.

Determined to defend the
vulnerable Republic, a small
RESISTANCE is desperate to
find Luke and enlist his help in
defeating this new darkness
spreading across the stars . . . .

This crawl addresses the three points made above, and also sheds a little light on some of the unanswered questions about the political state of the galaxy without being overbearing. It explains that the First Order comes from remains of the Empire and is lead by “a mysterious shadow,” which might give some credence to their quick rise to power and military clout. Finally, I want it to be clear that the Resistance is not lead by the Republic, but still vows to defend then — with Luke as a key player in their strategy. Hence why, “This will begin to make things right.”

It also uses some of your great expressions (“spreading across the stars” is awesome) and many of the word choices, albeit in a few other locations in the text, where terms like “sinister” and “shadow” are great too.

Let me know what you think.

NeverarGreat said:

Speaking of the crawl, I had a somewhat weird idea for a more substantial change to the galactic table setting, so it would be something to do after v1 is released (if at all):

I have to think a bit more about this.

This change is certainly interesting and does make me curious how it would look if executed correctly. Of course, I’d have to loosen up about my desire to keep things canon here! 😜 But you’re right, it does fix the issue of Leia not warning the Republic of the impending Starkiller attack. However, there may be another way to resolve that, although I had never even thought about that until you just mentioned it. Wondering if a line could simply be thrown in about Hosnian Prime preparing to evacuate or something. I’ll think on this some more.

Sorry about the delayed response.

There is a lot to like here, and your mockup crawl is technically very nice! I agree that there needs to be more about the table setting, but I’ve come to the grudging acceptance that it’s not possible to put it in without making the crawl too wordy and clunky. I’m also constrained by the timing I’ve chosen for this crawl which means the paragraphs need a 4/9/7 line composition. This is why the first two paragraphs in particular are tricky - the first is too short to include much info and the second risks being too wordy off the bat. That’s just the nature of making room for the Episode number and title with the original film music timing.

I’ll continue to think about the crawl, taking your suggestions into consideration. 😃

idir_hh said:

Apply new color grading to the entire film in general, and a bright, washed-out ‘purgatory’ look for Jakku in particular.

Any progress on the purgatory look? Sounds interesting.

That’s actually completed to my satisfaction, and hasn’t substantially changed since this update on page 26:

https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/The-Force-Awakens-The-Starlight-Project/id/54912/page/26