Yeah, I think the voices work great. It is just Rey’s thoughts/emotions in a stream of consciousness, going from what Han told her about the Force (paralleling Luke hearing Ben’s voice in ANH’s climax?), and those memories drift to her insecurities, Han’s death, Chewbacca’s pain, and Finn’s defeat while protecting Rey, and that all drives Rey to anger.
The new tweaks work really well Nev!