I like it! It definitely is more savage compared to the more serene theatrical version. Although I do like the theatrical version, you have to admit that Rey looks visibly angry rather than just focused, so having her tap into the dark side almost feels like that is actually what they were going for.
It definitely has some benefits. One, having Rey take the ‘quick and easy path’ helps rationalize her ability to defeat Kylo. Secondly, showing her ride that line raises the stakes in the next film for her need for guidance. Without it, she might continue down this path.
As far as technical notes, I think adding a nice lightsaber clash on that ‘flash cut’ might help make that transition feel more seamless.
Also, I wonder how swapping the placements of Finn yelling Rey and Chewbacca’s roar would sound. For some reason it feels kinda funny to have Rey open her eyes on Chewie’s guttural yell. And with Finn bleeding out in the snow nearby it might work better to end with Finn calling out for Rey instead. She hears “Rey!”, and her eyes open. Might not work as well but just a possible thing to try out.
Also wanted to say having that brief beat of silence, Kylo’s little “oh shit” moment, is a really nice choice.